These Words given by A Dad That Helped Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up among men, who often hold onto negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a pause - going on a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."